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21-Jan-2018 14:39

I would like to share my thoughts on the basic similarities and differences between these two disorders of the self and how they might affect relationships.Disorders of the self, or personality disorders, have long been understood as enduring patterns of thinking, emotion and interpersonal functioning which result in poor coping mechanisms and impaired relating of one sort or another.This results from poor or incomplete individuation.Healthy and secure separation from parents or caregivers means coming to see oneself as an independent being.

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Thanks to the work of the late James Masterson MD and others, it now appears that these personality types are laid down early in life as ways to cope with the absence of necessary supports and supplies at a crucial time in the development of the personality.The DSM 5 classifications list ten types of personality disorder, two of which are “Borderline personality disorder” and “Narcissistic personality disorder”. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, or achievement.The common descriptions make them appear to be quite distinct: Borderline personality disorder: Unpredictable, manipulative, unstable. Sees self as admirable and superior, and therefore entitled to special treatment.Just as you want to be loved even if you overspend or gain weight—because you are still lovable, of course–you could decide to treat your husband respectfully even if he doesn’t seem to deserve it. But it was like a miracle cure for all that was ailing in my marriage. It just takes a little while to get the hang of what it looks like, and then it also takes a little while for him to get the memo that he’s safe with you—that he can get oxygen when he’s with you.When you do treat him respectfully, it’s going to feel very strange if you’ve been out of the habit. It’s not too late when he says he doesn’t love you. If anything, I see marriages turn around from this painful conversation so often that I tend to think of it as the beginning of the breakthrough.

Thanks to the work of the late James Masterson MD and others, it now appears that these personality types are laid down early in life as ways to cope with the absence of necessary supports and supplies at a crucial time in the development of the personality.The DSM 5 classifications list ten types of personality disorder, two of which are “Borderline personality disorder” and “Narcissistic personality disorder”. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, or achievement.The common descriptions make them appear to be quite distinct: Borderline personality disorder: Unpredictable, manipulative, unstable. Sees self as admirable and superior, and therefore entitled to special treatment.Just as you want to be loved even if you overspend or gain weight—because you are still lovable, of course–you could decide to treat your husband respectfully even if he doesn’t seem to deserve it. But it was like a miracle cure for all that was ailing in my marriage. It just takes a little while to get the hang of what it looks like, and then it also takes a little while for him to get the memo that he’s safe with you—that he can get oxygen when he’s with you.When you do treat him respectfully, it’s going to feel very strange if you’ve been out of the habit. It’s not too late when he says he doesn’t love you. If anything, I see marriages turn around from this painful conversation so often that I tend to think of it as the beginning of the breakthrough.The crucial time for this phase of development is thought to be around 18 months to 3 years (which coincides, quite logically, with the terrible twos).